Sometimes the world can feel really small. You bump into your friend’s auntie’s cousin’s wife in the middle of an international airport halfway across the world, or you find out a colleague is actually married to your kindergarten teacher.
But sometimes it doesn’t feel small, sometimes it feels massive. Huge and blue and unending, full of impossible things.
For me, it seems to flip back and forth without warning. I can feel settled, content in what I’ve created, and then a moment later feelings of inadequacy wash over me and I’m left alone; wet and feeling sorry for myself.
I went to a really small primary school. I was pretty academic and loved school and so it was easy to shine through. For secondary I moved to a school with ten times as many students and suddenly it was a lot harder to feel noticed.
That’s sort of how it feels to be a creative person. There are times when I feel confident in my work and people seem to notice it and enjoy it and then there are times where it feels like it’s been swallowed up by the universe and now it’s impossible to even find, let alone care about.
When you’re feeling like this it can be really challenging to move forward, but in my limited experience, doing so is crucial to creating something beautiful. There’s a pretty good chance the outcome will be different than what you’re wishing for, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be beautiful. Honestly, nothing I’ve ever set out to create has turned out exactly how it looked in my mind, but some of my best work has come from ‘failed’ previous attempts.
Although it sometimes makes me anxious to remember how big the world really is, I like to remind myself that everything around me is made of the same parts. We all began the same and we’ll all end up the same, regardless of how we do in between. Taking that pressure off means that we can create without limits, and instead of hindering us, the ‘bigness’ can actually become our muse. Food for thought, anyway.
Chat soon x